Smack Like That Leaves a Mark

I think I was born with skin problems. The nurse assured my surprised mum in that delivery room that the birthing rash would disappear once I subjected to some sunlight to my skin to eliminate the effects of jaundice. That helped somewhat for the first dozen years of my life but I've been plagued by acne ever since. Doctors told me it was excessive hormones and once I was graduated from puberty I would be home clear. In that interim, I've passed through adolescence, young adult, motherhood and yes, grandmotherhood. Now don't get your undies all in a bunch I am a grandmother by way of my Hubbies first marriage. Step Grandma-ma zit Munkay. Woaw is me, I now have pimples in my wrinkles.

I do ok with this superficial handicap. My family will tease me about my vanity. But I am real about my looks. I am nothing but average looking. Except for this harry tail that I keep having to shave or tuck up under my skirt. I do though have great self confidence. I like how I now look and am comfortable with myself. I have been called too skinny at one point of my life. When I weight fifty-five pounds more than I do now, my skin didn't matter as much. I was too wrapped up in the size of my thighs or my butt at the time. Ironically, my sweetheart Hubby loved my body more when I was larger. I, on the other hand loved myself less. My size, when I try hard, is something I can controll.

I do have my good days, along with my bad ones. One my good days my looks have gotten me things. Front row concert tickets to Aerosmith, were they fill the front rows with females for example. Bowie picked me out of the audience and asked my name. It was my picture that one the photography contest. Big bucks were my reward from the wet t shirt contest. (They weren't judging on size.)

My bad days I try not to remember as well. A well meaning stranger once asked my if I used soap on my face. "No, just the stuff my dermatologist gives me", I answer knowing full well what her next question would be. When you are zit challenged, you learn to grow a thicker skin. I cannot count the times I have been asked if I have ever thought about seeing some one for my skin.

When I was diabetic I assumed it was just the toxins from the sugar my body could not use that caused my flare ups. In desperation I went on a four month detox diet and would not touch meat of any kind, dairy, white flour, sugar, caffeine or soda. I lost a large amount of weight which only caused my pimples to stand out more pronounced on my thin face. "You are starving your skin, eat!", my dermatologist, Dr. Feelgood told me. Then he asked me out to dinner. I still am unsure if he was attracted to me or the fact I was a professional challenge.

My Hubby is the only one aloud to tease me about my face. That is because he does without cruelty and in good humor. "You growing yourself another head there baby?" he will ask when seeing a new pimple. "That one I'm gonna name Shela", he will anounce as if it were a welcome addition to our family.

There are days when I wake up and my skin actually hurts. But nothing hurt as much as when a longtime friend Mitch gave a cut that wount just disapear.

I certainly did not chose Mitch as a friend because of his looks. I thought his beauty to be internal and it was his personality that attracted me. He was quite the extra-extrovert and had a habit of turning people off in most social settings. I always had felt uncomfortable when acompanying him in public. I was more than alittle ashamed of being seen with him at events when he was unable to find a date. But I had always looked for the good in him, and had felt sorry that for him that he was single.

A group of friends were at his place and I was cooking all of us dinner. I had left the room but was not out of ear-shot when I heard a Heidi make the comment to him, "You should really go for that Munkay, then you would have it made." I lingered longer to hear the words that would fall on me like bricks. "Never. No way. Not with that face." I do not remember the rest of that dinner after I picked my ego up off the floor and brushed my tears off it.

Maybe Mitch had always felt my embarrassment at being seen with him. He probly had his own self esteem issuses. Could even be why his teenager cuts school when his acne flares its ugly head. I just hope Mitch's internal beauty was worth my attention. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but its words like that that scar."